Swine Flu

This morning at 5 a.m. my stomach starts freaking out and I start having these excruciating pains, so I was like okay I have to go to the bathroom, easy solution right? WRONG!!! I go in there, attempt to do my business and all of the sudden have this urge like I need to puke, so I switch positions real fast, nothing comes out at all! So I go back to bed, like 20 minutes later I get the exact same excruciating pain, I am like what the hell is this?! Do I have swine flu?! My exact thoughts I kid you not! I basically do the same thing as I did before, I start sweating this time like I am breaking a fever and my face turns pale, absolutely no color to it! Nothing comes out to relieve my stomach pains. I go back to bed again, another 20 minutes go by and I am right back in the bathroom trying to get rid of these awful pains, I start sweating again, turn pale again and am thinking I am dying, definitely going to die today! I relieve myself a little, go back to bed and not 20 minutes later but 10 maybe even 5, I am back and finally finally my stomach pains get relieved! But the whole breaking a fever sweat, pale stuff happens again and I am like this has gotta be the swine flu and I am thinking I should look up the symptoms on Web MD today. Anyways I go back to bed by this time its past 6 a.m. and I have to get up at 7:30, I slept until 8 and got ready in a half hour and made it to school on time, even though I have swine flu and am dying! The end.